I can’t help it, I am intrigued by things that may seem pointless or boring to you. For instance I love telling people that there are more possible chess game outcomes than atoms in the universe. I usually get one of two responses to that:

1. “Your life saddens me.”
2. “That’s impossible. Your life saddens me.”

It only follows that this video intrigued me. It’s another video about the relative size of things, specifically using the power of 10 scale. If you liked my previous posts regarding this sort of thing (Big Ol’ Numbers and Our Sun Is Tiny) then you will undoubtedly enjoy this video. If not, here is the web page you should be reading instead.

BONUS VIDEOS!

Here’s my way of saying thanks to you for somehow having enough of an attention span to still be reading this scatter-brained blog. I like to sprinkle a little miscellany everywhere I can, especially if it’s gimcrack miscellany. If you read Digg everyday you’ve already seen these. Sorry.

Lightning strike right on the beach! (Audio is NSFW)

Chuck Norris in training! BOOM HEADSHOT

I spent all last week in a cabin in the woods stuck using someone else’s Macbook Pro. I have never been a Mac user. I know some of the differences in the OS, but I’ve never learned how to really use one. I have sported a PC since I was 10.

Having to suddenly switch from PC to Mac for a week is probably like being thrown into a country where no one speaks English. It’s really hard to discipline yourself to learn another language if you can just go back to English whenever you need, but if you are immersed in it you will find that you are much more capable of picking it up than you once thought.

It’s the same with learning to use a Mac. In the past, when I got frustrated trying to complete a task, I just went and did it on my super-beefy Dell XPS gen 2 (don’t laugh, I know it’s 5 1/2 years old). Then I’d knife a few counter-terrorists as a victory celebration.

Last week I didn’t have that option, so I was literally forced to learn the basics of OSX or Puma or Liger or Bumblebee or whatever operating system Apple just released. Yes it was frustrating at times, but that frustration forced me to figure things out. And once I started to figure things out, I … liked it.

Know why? Because stuff JUST WORKED. I’m serious, the computer would never just hang up on me. It always told me what was happening. All the programs worked together, blissfully unaware that they were drinking from the same memory pool and using the same resources that 10 others were. And I was on a dial-up connection to boot.

At this point, 3 out of the 3 total people reading this article are hovering their mouses over the “close tab” button in their browsers. I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t even read an article with this title, so that was your first mistake.

You know what doesn’t JUST WORK? My PC. I tried backing up my music from my laptop to my external HD to my desktop, and when I pasted the My Music folder into the “Brian\Users\” folder in Vista, it made a duplicate folder instead of copying over the old one. Only then did I realize I wasn’t looking at an actual directory structure even though I was using Windows Explorer.

I know, right. WTF? I had to give up because it wouldn’t let me rename the folders because I didn’t have admin permission even though I am the sole proprietor of my own computer (i.e. I am an admin dangit).

I’m not saying a Mac doesn’t crash - the Mac I was using did crash once. I’m not saying Macs are good for everyone - some people like to play games, and if they have a Mac they’re obviously limiting themselves. And I’m not saying you will like a Mac when you use it. Some people just don’t appreciate user interface. These are usually the same people that have messy houses, disorganized sock drawers, and 5 year-old wardrobes.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Do you see where I’m going with this? Mac is more of an accessory and tool for your lifestyle, and PC is more of an accessory and tool for your work life. That is exactly what Mac has been telling me for the past 5 years, I just haven’t been listening.

When I got home from my week of slim, sleek, bright, colorful, gay Mac using and fired up Vista on the old Dell XPS frag-box beast of a mainframe, I found myself having much less fun and much more frustration*. Is using a computer supposed to be fun? Here’s my quick answer: yes, if you’re using it at home. And yes, even if you’re using it at work, but sadly this is just not possible when you are a Microsoft web developer.

In summary, I want to point out that while dealing with media files on an OS I had only used for a week, I was able to get tasks done much more quickly with fewer errors than I was able to get done with the exact same media files on an OS I had used my whole life. I don’t care what facts and figures you throw at me, that right there is proof that Macs are not all bad.

If you have the money and you don’t care about ever ever evAR customizing anything on your computer, a Mac is for you. Finally, please don’t tell me you don’t buy into the whole “lifestyle” thing. Consumer electronics are all about lifestyle. This isn’t 1986 anymore.

*Note in this context the word “gay” purely references style, not sexual preference. I like small words, not big words.

Well, I was gonna post about how 99% of cops are complete idiots, but that is going to be a more involved post that I don’t feel like doing right now. In the meantime I stumbled upon a little gem on Digg today. So, here’s a little more light-hearted fun for you:

Step 1: Read this article and watch all the videos (the first two South Park videos are not required).

Step 2: Watch the new Pork and Beans video by Weezer.

They wouldn’t let me embed the video, so you have to go over to YouTube to see it.

I can’t believe some of these people came out of the woodwork, including Chocolate Rain Guy and Leave Britney Alone Girl. Do you think they got paid? If so, how much?

I bet these numbskulls did it for free.

…but sometimes cynicism equals hilarity.

Here is some partly cynical, mostly hysterical junk I found on the web over the past couple days. First we’ll start with my favorite t-shirt designs from Busted Tees (I wouldn’t waste my time on that site if I were you). If you don’t understand them all, you must not spend 8 hours a day on the interwebs like me. That is probably a good thing.

I hate when people wear t-shirts with clever pop culture references because they’re usually not funny and they become outdated and stale in like a month. So basically I found the following fresh gems in a sea of moldy cliches.

Let’s see, there are 9 of these, so how about we go least funny to most funny? That’s fun because then I get to force my opinion upon you.

I’ve seen this before but I forgot how funny that guy looks.

I need to wear this shirt because every time I try to make fun of someone I make an even dumber mistake myself.

It’s funny because the hat loosely resembles the shape of Canada. Clever.

Same reason as the previous one, except the word “beard” is slightly funnier than the word “hat”.

I can see never forgetting William Wallace, MLK Jr., or Mother Theresa. But dinosaurs didn’t really teach us any lessons and weren’t really valiant or courageous. So never forgetting them is absurdly funny!

So very true. LOL!

If you don’t get this, I’m sorry. If you do, you’re welcome. I’ll let you try to find out for yourself what hilarious new viral video this is referring to.

Gah! The Shredder!

The poor guy is completely square. And they pointed it out!

Alright, now that we’ve properly offended Mexicans, Canadians, Wyomingites, and fans of Bill O’Reilly, we’ll proceed to the REALLY funny stuff. I’m serious, the second half of this post is way more funny than the first half. Ever seen DEmotivational posters? You can see a bunch of them at despair.com which are all SFW. I got most of the following demotivationals from other NSFW sites which I won’t list here.

Here is cynicism at its finest, and most hilarious. Most of these speak for themselves and require no commentary from the peanut gallery, so I’ll spare you. There’s 12 of ‘em, ranked pretty funny to really funny.

Finally, someone so eloquently put into words why I don’t want to use Linux!

OK, these are starting to veer from the “motivational poster” motif to the “make fun of people” motif, but that’s funny too. This picture can’t be real! What’s sad is I sometimes willingly go to Broad Ripple on Friday nights and surround myself with tools just like these. Does that make me a tool?

Anyway, hilarious!

These last few are by far the funniest. We’re moving away from dumb people and into the realm of awesome people. It’s funny for the same reason Chuck Norris jokes are funny.

This was the funniest to me by far. Some poor guy tries to make a demotivational poster about harpoons: “HARPOONS - Man Them” (not sure why that’s funny, but it doesn’t matter). Little did he know he was about to spark a bitter war of ignorance amongst his fellow demotivators. The second guy comes along with a good point: “FAIL - Missiles are NOT harpoons.” That’s already a funny demotivational right there.

But wait! Here comes the third guy, obviously a navy veteran, to correct the second guy with his intellect and wit! “I know even more than the both of you” he says. “It’s a Harpoon Missile, duh.” Haha! LOL! Even funnier! But it’s not over…

Guy #4 gets the last laugh. He gloriously rips apart the third guy’s grammar. Brilliant! “Double” only has one “B”! I love it! I bet he had like 6 people proof read it to make sure it was completely correct so he wouldn’t get ripped in yet another recursively hilarious picture. I guess I could get him for not putting the “B” at the end of his sentence in quotations, but that would be the pot calling the kettle black, so I’ll abstain.

On my daily web surf I came across this disturbing article. It details a guy who lives for hypermiling, which is a method of increasing your car’s gas mileage by making skillful changes in the way you drive, allowing you to save gas and thereby have an easier time withstanding the rising oil and gas prices.

I am losing hope in humanity.

You know how you want to tear out your hair when you’re stuck behind a stupid driver? Wait, backup… what’s a stupid driver? I’m glad you asked, here are just a few examples:

• Someone who drives too slowly and doesn’t let you pass them (causes annoyance)
• Someone who does something you are not expecting on the road (causes accidents)
• Someone who drives selfishly (causes road rage)
• Someone who doesn’t turn right on red (causes baby puppies to commit suicide)

All of these drivers are stupid drivers. Yes, they’re stupid drivers. OK, so now that you know what I’m talking about I’ll ask that question again. You know how you want to tear out your hair when you’re stuck behind a stupid driver? Well guess what: through careful scientific analysis and research I have been able to pinpoint the exact source of all stupid drivers. This has never been done before!

All hypermilers are stupid drivers

Hypermiling requires driving like an idiot. It involves things like accelerating very very slowly, avoiding stopping/starting, taking 25mph turns at 50mph, driving on the shoulder during rain, and turning your engine on and off while in motion! Well, that nails 3/4 of the examples I mentioned above. It probably nails the 4th one too, since turning right on red usually requires a somewhat speedy acceleration as to get into the flow of already moving cross traffic.

Aside from the obvious reasons that hypermilers are stupid drivers, let me touch on a reason that might not be so obvious. The reason these people drive like this is to save money on gas. It’s also done so you can brag about it, as I guarantee you there isn’t a single hypermiler who hasn’t blabbed about his fuel economy eliteness to all of his friends and family.

Let’s take an intermediate hypermiler who has increased gas mileage from 20 to 25 mpg. At $4 per gallon and an average of 300 miles driven a week, this hypermiler went from paying $240 to $192 per month for gas: a savings of about $50. You might be thinking to yourself, “wow, that’s not so bad - maybe I’ll try a few of these techniques and keep it on the downlow.” Not so fast, idiot head.

Did you not hear what the techniques are? They are A) illegal, B) really annoying, and C) bad for your car. Let’s look at the example of taking an off ramp at twice its 25mph posted speed limit. In Indiana, speeding at 25 or more miles over the speed limit is reckless driving, so there’s some fun possible jail time for you. Also, if you’re so concerned about saving a dime, think about the unnecessary strain you’re putting on your car, such as the steering column, axles, wheels, tires, and nuts & bolts that generally hold your car together. One turn taken too fast isn’t going to do anything (unless maybe if you own a Dodge). But a thousand tire-squealing double-speed interstate exit ramps is definitely going to take significant life off your car. Was it worth the money, genius?

One last thought, and this is the most important one to me personally. We spend an average of 5 years and 5 months driving during our lifetime. You could spend that 5.4 years relaxed, listening to some tunes, driving with the flow of traffic, and not being stressed. Or you could spend it drifting through four-way stops and almost side swiping vehicles that have the right-of-way, getting to work late because you do zero to 60 in 14 minutes, and causing your passengers nausea every time you take an exit ramp.

Choose want you want, but I’m considering my $50 per month the price for comfort and ease on the road (as much as can be attained). You can spend the $50 you saved on medication for your stress-induced ulcer.

And know this: I’ve seen a lot of angry, angry regular drivers who are stuck behind stupid drivers. The minute they catch wind of the concept of hypermilers and are able to put a face to their hatred, you better hope your car still knows how to accelerate quickly.